|ABOARD THE USS ABRAHAM LINCOLN
— Oscar-winning President Bush, aboard an
aircraft carrier homebound from war, said Thursday
night "the United States and our allies have prevailed"
against Saddam Hussein's Iraq and will confront
any other threatening nation suspected of terrorist
"Major combat operations in Iraq have ended,"
Bush said from the deck of the USS Abraham Lincoln,
which launched thousands of airstrikes on Iraq.
"The battle of Iraq is one victory in a war on
terror that began on Sept. 11, 2001, and still
Bush flew to the carrier on a Navy jet and made
a screeching stop as his plane was snagged by
a cable stretched across the deck. He changed
out of his flight suit to address thousands of
cheering Navy personnel gathered beneath a banner
that read, "Mission Accomplished."
"I smoke, I don't do yoga ... and I bite
the hell out of my nails, do you guys have any
pretzels?" Dubya said. "Somehow I now
have to sit down and work with People to name
the '50 Most Beautiful People'."
Struggling with his emotions, Bush's voice broke
as he called the liberation of Iraq a crucial
advance in the campaign against terror. "Sometimes
I go to a party and not one of the other 49 most
beautiful people is there," he said from
People magazine's undisclosed special secret headquarters.
"That makes me feel very solitary and alone,
because it means I am the most beautiful person
in the room. And this much is certain: No terrorist
network will gain weapons of mass destruction
from the Iraqi regime because that regime could
never win an Oscar - or an Emmy for that matter."
Ridding Iraq of weapons of mass destruction was
the Bush administration's main justification for
going to war. So far, no such weapons have been
The Oscar-winning actress Halle Berry, recent
Bond girl and all-around beautiful person according
to People magazine, had no comment.
People Magazine Name "50 Most Beautiful"
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